Soon as girls arrive exam results go down. Passion leads to a Lower Second

‘I don’t accept presents,’ said Sir, looking briefly at Three Men in a Boat. ‘This is a clean school. No nonsense. But yes, I’ll have this one. Send your sons here when you’ve got some. Present us with a silver cup for something when you’re a filthy rich lawyer, I dare say? Yes. You’ll be a lawyer. Magnificent memory. Sense of logic, no imagination and no brains. My favourite chap, Teddy Feathers, as a matter of fact. I dare say.’ ‘Thank you, Sir. I’ll always keep in touch.’ ‘Don’t go near Wales. And keep off girls for a while. Soon as girls arrive exam results go down. Passion leads to a Lower Second. Goodbye, old Feathers. On with the dance.’

J. Gardam, Old Filth (2004), loc. 1,061

Hitler’s invaded Poland. Don’t tell your father yet, Pat

‘Oh – tea,’ said Mrs Ingoldby. ‘You’re just in time. I’ll get them to make you some more of the little tongue sandwiches. Did you have a good walk?’ ‘Wonderful, thanks. Any news?’ ‘Yes. Hitler’s invaded Poland. Don’t tell your father yet, Pat. He can do nothing about it and there’s his favourite supper. Oxtail stew.’

J. Gardam, Old Filth (2004), loc. 913